From the beginning, when Hailey was a toddler I knew that I wanted to see her driven by an inner force. I wanted to instill a thirst for problem-solving and a sense personal responsibility. I didn’t know how to explain why I did not want to reward potty-training or use sticker charts to recognize good behavior. It took me many years to understand the right terminology for what I wanted to teach my children. Now that I have learned the right terminology, I can achieve my parenting goals. I want my children to be intrinsically driven.
Intrinsic Motivation is defined as behavior driven by internal rewards. The motivation to engage in an activity comes from the individual themselves because the behavior is intrinsically rewarding.
After I learned the terms, I could not stop researching. I wanted to learn how to encourage this more in my children. I wanted to instill the idea of taking responsibility for their own failures and successes from an early age.
While researching, I discovered the basics. All of us are born with intrinsic motivation. We learn how to stand, walk and speak. We are motivated to learn because we will be rewarded when we master the skill.
This philosophy is something I keep in mind as a parent, because I do not believe children should be rewarded when they are doing what’s expected of them. I believe that being respectful and being a good family member are actions you take because you’re a decent person. My parents taught me that way (I may have even heard my parents say it? ).
I do not think that bribery is a good parenting technique. Bribing kids to do something could lead them to believe that they deserve a reward even if they do what is expected of them.
Rewards only work in the short-term. It is more effective to limit the rewards I give only on one occasion. A family road trip was an example where kids were tired from the excitement and travel. The kids were taking forever to buckle up, so I offered a carrot: once they buckled up, we could watch a movie. I’ve never seen anyone move so quickly.